What the Hell Is Wrong with Me???

I must have too many things on my mind, otherwise I can't explain the stupidity of missing words in 3 out of 5 translations! I know I'm very worried about lots of stuff and that my mind wonders off with every minute, but it's never happened to me before, not even when I was really, really upset. I was laughing today when seeing that I had missed 4 words... thus loosing 3.6 points. I felt like hitting myself with a brick, but I could only laugh. What the hell? I thought I was stronger! Come on, Mirela, wake up and stop acting like that! The worse is yet to come.

Entre salidas y entradas

La cara miente siempre, porque ni nosotros mismos sabemos que hay adentro. La falta de expresión dice más que una mezcla de sonrisas, guiños y lagrimas. Y para qué seguir con la mentira, ¿quién y a dónde vuelve? Nadie, a ningún lugar. Tener sueño no quiere decir que puedas dormir.

My June 16 Odyssey



Here I am, at the language lab again, on my first Saturday shift. This is the downtown lab, as I requested, since last year I got completely bored with the lack of activity from the other campus. Anyway, while I was waiting for people to show up (this surely is one busy place, and it's only the beginning), I checked all the graduation info I could find. Including the date... But first:

June 16, 2000 - I left for the United States

June 16, 2002 - I arrived to Canada (no, I hadn't planned it to match the date)

June 16, 2006 - this year I found out that June 16 is the birthday of someone who was bound to become a very good friend

- I was accepted by a Spanish University for the Student Exchange Program

June 16, 2007 - I went to London - I had only certain days available for this trip and June 16 was the only one when the Ryanair ticket cost 0.01 cents

Going back to my Graduation, it looks like it will take place on... of course, June 16, 2008!!!

I always use number 16 when I play the lottery; I haven't used 6 that much, it's true. Too bad this year June 16 is a Monday, so there's no game to try out. I guess I'll go to the Casino after the ceremony :-)).

You Never Know...

I've started this year in the best possible way: dancing the first night away (I wore red, I had money on me and I did kiss at midnight... let's see if all this really works), sleeping the next day, and feeling my friends close on my birthday. As Mi was saying, I think 2008 is pretty much a boring number, but the fact that I turned 27 makes me feel better about this year's numerology... I like the number 7 very much.
I'm afraid that I have very high expectations from this year, unlike from the last one. Some things are bound to happen, such as my graduation in April and the festivities in June, the parties I'll be having with some friends and my moving to Spain. There are other things I'm hoping for, but since I've learned the hard way not to have too high expectations, I'll just take each episode as it comes. I cannot help but be optimistic... and yet I'm trying to prepare for the worst.

Another One Bites the Dust



Time has come again for my retrospective of the past year; without blinking, twitching or shaking I can say that this was my best year yet. I entered its door without expecting much: all I was hoping for was to have some fun in Spain and to be able to improve my accent... in the end, I got so much more than I was looking for.
This year, I've found myself. I've dropped my shyness and let my real self come out. I've learned to let go of things that harmed me, but to appreciate even more the ones who stuck with me. I've learned to love. I've learned that I cannot have everything, but that I have to make the best of what I have... which is a lot. I've discovered that my place might be in Spain. Could it be true that after 8 years of wondering, I'll finally be arriving home? We'll see. I've found out that there's more to life than spending it in front of the computer. I've discovered that regrets hurt more than remorses... sometimes. I've learned how to laugh at a bad photo of myself. Thank God for that, cause there are so many of them! I've learned about self-control... about elegance. I've learned that I am still allowed to behave like a child whenever I want to... because I don't have to ask for permission. I've learned that the grass is not greener on the other side. I've learned that I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I've learned that happiness does exist. I've learned that no words could ever describe what I've learned this year.
Thank you.

One More Semester to Go

I finally feel like saying that this semester is over. I received more than I had bargained for, but the results were close to making me happy. I guess I have the tendency of expecting from myself a bit more than I can give. Which is good, most of the time.
I've never had so many essays to write... I'm not even complaining about the exams, although there were a few, because the number of essays just overwhelmed me. A good friend asked me for an approximate number of papers I wrote, and I calculated a mere 18 big ones and about 30 small ones. On the other hand, this is my last year, so what was I expecting?
Next semester I'll "only" have four courses, one consisting in my Specialization paper, which I've already started working on. I have to register for Graduation (I'll never understand why you have to pay in order to graduate, not that it really matters), and in April I should be able to say that I'M DONE. Then, in June, there'll be the Graduation Ceremony, which I'm anxiously looking forward to. I'll finally be able to say that after 8 years of... being away (from where?), I managed to get the diploma I'd been longing for for so long. It made me emotional talking to professors and counselors about me graduating. Some of my friends don't seem to care about that specific moment, but I do.. The only thing missing will be my mom and some of my friends, whom I wish could be there... but they'll get to see photos and videos.
I don't know why I'm rambling now about all this... there's time. Maybe I just need to release some of the emotions that have been building inside of me for the last months. I can hardly wait to be able to say: "I've made it!".

Cel mai frumos cadou

Multumesc pentru tag, Nicole, dar zilele astea chiar nu simt c-as putea vorbi despre cel mai frumos cadou primit. Anul trecut mi-a amarat gustul Sarbatorilor si am ajuns sa nu-mi doresc decat sanatate si noroc (e foarte important) pentru cei la care tin, pentru mine si pentru toata lumea, pe cat e cu putinta. Am incercat sa ma gandesc care a fost cel mai frumos cadou primit vreodata, dar am sfarsit prin a enumera cam tot ce mi s-a oferit de-a lungul vietii mele, de catre oricine, pentru ca fiecare are o semnificatie deosebita pentru mine. Iar pentru anul care urmeaza nu-mi doresc decat exact ce-am spus mai sus, sanatate si noroc... norocul de-a fi acceptata la Masterat, sa spunem, dar are si asta diferite aspecte. Acum astept "cadouri" pe care sa mi le pot face singura, dupa ce depun o anumita doza de efort.

7 minuni ale Romaniei

Pentru ca ma tot feresc de pastrarea unui ton pesimist, as vrea sa enumar si cele 7 minuni romanesti din sufletul meu:

1. Mama
2. Mamaita
3. Marea Neagra - plaja iarna, faleza de la Cazino, stabilopozii acoperiti de gheata (pe care i-am vazut doar in poze)
4. Muntii plini de zapada si mirosul de fum care ma trimite cu gandul la Craciun
5. Toate cartile care mi-au fericit anii, de la "Povesti nemuritoare" si istorisirile lui Creanga, pana la proza fantastica a lui Eliade, iubirea mea din adolescenta. Ce vremuri!
6. Bucuria de-a merge "la tara". Eu nu am avut bunici la tara, dar cat mi-as fi dorit!
7. Copilasul sau copilasii mei - vor fi minunile mele si vor fi romani.

7 ma tot urmareste :-)

Meplusmyself m-a intrebat care sunt cele 7 lucruri cu care ma lupt in Romania. Eu imi voi lua libertatea de-a enumera aspectele care ma deranjeaza in privinta Romaniei sau a Canadei, specificand despre care e vorba la fiecare afirmatie.

1. Canada - indiferenta oamenilor ma revolta fara incetare. Faptul ca acum 2 ani mama, care ma tine pe un piedestal presarat cu diamante, mi-a spus ca m-am schimbat, ca sunt mai rece si mai rea, mi-a ridicat niste semne de intrebare si a initiat procesul de "recuperare". "Supravietuirea" in cadrul unui sistem este de multe ori rezultaul adaptarii la sistemul respectiv... I guess. Unul din motivele pentru care am ales sa plec.

2. Romanii care pleaca in strainatate - ura si invidia pe care romanii nu pregeta s-o manifeste fata de concetatenii lor cu fiecare ocazie. Printre cei care mi-au provocat greutati, romanii ocupa un loc fruntas. In al doilea rand, nenorocirile pe care unii dintre noi le fac in alte tari si pentru care avem toti de suferit.

3. Canada - usurinta cu care canadienii acuza alte tari de rasism, in timp ce ei isi ascund adevaratele sentimente si faptele in spatele unui chip indiferent sau zambitor, depinde de situatie. Faptul ca imi spun ca vor sa mearga in Romania sa salveze tiganii!!!, dar ca de multe ori ei iti ignora cv-ul daca ai un nume strain.

4. Romania - faimoasa lama de Orbit sau bomboana primita in loc de rest.

5. Romania - usurinta cu care angajatii oricarei institutii presupun ca le esti inferior si ca pot tipa la tine sau ca te pot ignora.

6. Romania - modul in care epateaza niste lichele care au avut destul noroc pentru a fura sume exorbitante.

7. Romania - faptul ca nu mai am pe nimeni acolo, cu exceptia mamei mele... poate si a tatalui meu, cine stie.

7

7 years... that's supposed to be a lucky number.

Copilul femeie sau femeia copil

Ma intreb uneori daca exista o anumita varsta la care ajungi sa te simti femeie. Sau care e doza ideala de copilarie pe care s-o porti mereu in suflet. Ma aflu intr-o peioada destul de incerta pentru mine: teoretic, nu mai sunt un copil, dar nici femeie nu ma pot numi. Sa fie ceva in neregula cu mine? Peste tot pe unde m-am aflat in compania altor tineri mi s-a spus "nebuna". Se refereau la moacele mele ciudate si uneori amuzante, la glumele pe care le faceam, la bucuria pe care o manifestam fata de cele mai simple lucruri, la usurinta cu care dadeam in mintea copiilor. Ma simt de multe ori ca un copil, si nu neaparat in sens pozitiv. Si totusi, ma confrunt cu probleme care n-au nimic de-a face cu povestile cu zane si printisori. Uneori ma simt imbatranita, obosita, dar asta se intampla mai rar de cand m-am intors din Spania. Din cand in cand simt nevoia unui compliment care sa nu contina nuante infantile; acum le obtin pe strada, dar eu as avea nevoie sa vina din alte parti. Eu sunt cea care danseaza in timpul cursurilor, care face glume cu toata lumea, care vorbeste cu voce de copil, care incee sa topaie pe strada fara vreun motiv aparent... dar tot eu sunt cea care petrece cate o ora, doua, aranjandu-si parul, punandu-si machiaj, cea care poarta tocuri si uneori se imbraca elegant, cea care intra in magazine in cautare de noi haine... Uneori as vrea doar sa mi se recunoasca si accepte ambele fatete.

Orange Peels Are Bitter

There are orange peels laying on the floor. I've just thrown a chocolate wrap next to them. I gathered all the dishes from last night and piled them up in the sink. Empty water bottles surround me. I've started writing my essay for Monday, but I stopped. I'm reading "La Celestina", "1984", and trying to read again" Don Quijote de la Mancha". I haven't watched TV in a long time. I'm tired and sad. I'm looking at photos. I'm thinking about what was going on last year around this period. Bad, bad things, good things that turned bad, and just plain things. I'm thinking about what was going on half a year ago. Amazing things.
I'll pick up the orange peels, the chocolate wrap and the bottles soon. I'll do the dishes. I'll finish my essay. I'll continue and eventually finish the three books. I'll go back to feeling full of life, content and hopeful. I'll close my pictures file. I'll think again about what's hopefully waiting for me in the near future... or just the future. I'll apparently forget again, for a while (can't get used to not remembering). It's just one of those moments that I left somewhere behind me, but that sometimes drop by for a short visit.

Alfabeto instantáneo

A: Amor - lo busco en todas sus formas, pero también me gusta ofrecerlo, si puedo B: Bailar - libertad, felicidad C: Cuidado - a veces no tan aconsenjable D: Deseo - mudarme a Europa E: Esperanza - casi nunca me deja F: Flores - muguetes G: Gracias - Intento darlas cada vez que las merezcan H: Hogar - todavía no sé dónde es el mío I: Ideal - falta mucho J: Juegos - me ecanta jugar, en todas las maneras posibles... sólo que a veces no puedo K: Kilógramos - espero guardarlas lo más lejos posible L: Locución - ¿Qué puedo decir? Me gusta la gramática. M: Mis italianos - sí, ya sé que tengo un problema :-) N: No - la "n" de mi portátil no funciona muy bien P: Placer - varias maneras de obtenerla Q: Quiero - quiero la vida y quiero vivir R: Recuerdos - vivo demasiado bajo su influencia S: Sorpresas - vivo para hacerlas y recibirlas T: Tiempo - he decidido de no perderlo más U: Uno - tan difícil V: Valor - necesito tanta ahora W: Washington - la ciudad más parecida al estilo europeo de las que he visto en los Estados Y: You - vosotros, sí, vosotros :-) X: X-ray - fumo demasiado Z: Zaragoza - todavía tengo que ver la catedral

Tag de la Nicole

A - Acasa : inca nu am aflat unde este B - Bunatatea : om avea-o, om aprecia-o? C - Culori favorite : albastru, portocaliu D - Dans : libertate, fericire E - Eschimos: denumire acceptata - inuit F - Flori : lacramioare G - Galeata: mi-as baga uneori capul intr-una cu apa rece/ a nu se cofunda cu butoiul cu melancolie H - Haine : plictisitoare in Canada, super in Spania I - Ideal: mai am ceva de alergat pana acolo J - Jignire : depinde din partea cui vine K - Kilograme : sa vedem cum le tin departe aici L - Lectura : atat de in urma M - Mesaje : forma de comuicare utila in lipsa de altceva N - Nascuta : Constanta - 2.01.81 - imbatranesc... O - Occident : Spania si Italia P - Parfum : Bulgari si Amarige de Givenchy Q - Quiero :Iubesc viata, vreau sa traiesc R - Romantism : nu pot scapa de el, oricat as incerca S - Sport : tenis si volei T - Tic : ticuri verbale cat cuprinde, de la "Madona!" pana la "super" U - Utopic : doar ceea ce nu depinde de tine V - Viata in 5 luni : Logroño, februarie-iunie 2007 W - Who, when, why, where - ma pasioneaza gramatica, dar am si prea multe intrebari X - X : nu-mi place in "ex", dar ca numar roman e o minune Y - Yesterday : traiesc prea mult in trecut Z - Zodie : Capricorn

Romania

Nope... my home is not here either. Stronger feelings for Spain and... let's see what else...

P.S. I miss you so much!

Estados

Tirada por hilos elásticos ensuciados con aceite...
Mirando formas de nubes psicodélicos en el techo de un cuarto...
Envuelta en instantes que "hace[n] la vida suficiente"...
Pegada al reloj de una pantalla convulsiva...
Buscando salidas dentro del movimiento de una pestaña...
Ciega por los miedos que salen del bote del rincón...
Muda al usar palabras y estrepitosa al no decir nada...
Agobiada por mi misma...
Escuchando el ronquido de la oscuridad (o de uno de mis vecinos)...
Tabula Rasa con cada madrugada...
Asustada por ser Tabula Rasa al anochecer...
Llevada por una boya de pesimismo en un oceano de optimismo...
Conmovida al descubrir mi propia incapacidad de conmoverme...
Leyendo frases y entendiendo imágenes...
Tan abierta que la corriente de mis impresiones empuja todo hacia el fondo...
Sorprendida por la felicidad instantánea...
Resolviendo ecuaciones con una multitud de incógnitas sin poder comprobar el resultado...
Luchando contra enanos, sombras, certezas, sensaciones...
Sin hambre, sólo con mucha sed...
Vencida por el sueño pero en la imposibilidad de descansar...

Just Don't!

For the second time I had to erase some comments made on my blog... and I honestly don't enjoy doing it, since I'm writing all these things for myself and a few friends... or so I thought. The first time I did it because it was a message posted on a touchy subject, although the author had no idea what I was talking about, so it wasn't his fault. The second time, nevertheless, I was offended in a way I wouldn't have expected and on grounds that had nothing to do with reality. It upset me very much initially, since it took me by surprise... but then I just didn't care... as I said before, I learned not to care about people who try to spread fake rumors and who don't see outside their little house of glass.
If you don't understand what I'm writing about and are not willing to ask questions when you don't know what to think about a specific post, don't bother telling me what you think. Or do it, but don't throw words that are not worth a penny and come from your personal anger. I'm not going to defend myself, I'll just erase the comments and go on with my life. I'm willing to accept my faults (like not keeping in touch with some important people), but I'll not look back for one second when accused of things I've never done. I wasn't kidding when I said I changed; as a friend, I'm still the same Mirela, or maybe even better, because now I've become a friend to myself as well; nevertheless, for those who want to show me that there's no such relationship between us and act hurt, while trying to take "revenge", I only have this to say: have a nice life!

What Makes the Past Four Months So Special?
(Why Don't I Want to Leave?)
(Who Am I?)

Leaving my eternal love for Spain aside, I'll try to enumerate a few of the numerous experiences and changes I've lived during my Erasmus experience. No, it's not over yet, but tonight I feel happy (as in so many other days and nights) and, given the fact that I don't write that often here, I'd like the last post to be a joyful one; don't like the 39 days... thing that much.

1. I went skating for the first time ever... and loved it! The first day I fell down 4 times; the second one, 4 times as well! The third time, tonight, only once... and somewhat improved my posture (which wasn't too difficult, considering that the first two times I looked as if I were searching for pennies on the ice :P ). I don't even feel tired... and I'll surely be going back!
2. I rode a bike after 8 or 9 years, if not more... can't even remember. There's a premiere here as well: I had to dare and ride it on the street, and not only on the sidewalk, as before; felt kind of scared, but made it!
3. I visited some of the places I've been hoping to see for many years. I've been known to say "see Spain and then die". Hmmm... now I know I don't want to die quite so fast :), but even if this were the case, there's hardly anything I would change. Until now I've been to Logrono (hi, hi!), Pamplona, Alicante, Valencia, Zaragoza (although...), Santo Domingo (also known as Burgos - ha, ha!), Laguardia, Madrid, Bilbao, San Millan, Granada (with its astonishing Alhambra), Sevilla and Cadiz. What's missing? Barcelona, for sure, and maybe Salamanca... as for the rest, there's no telling when and if... Oh, of course... how could I not mention that I'll be going to London and... ta-na-nam... Italy?!!!
4. I've danced more than in my entire life... and I feel so free when I dance... or whatever it's called the way I move on the dance floor :P. I don't care that much about what my legs and hands are doing when hearing a song I like... no matter where I am. The joy I feel makes me move.
5. I haven't studied THAT much (ha, ha!), and yet I feel like I've learned so much! I skipped classes... tons of them! In two years and a half I've only missed two hours of class, and that for very strong reasons. In Spain I've given up on worrying about school and concentrated on living and defining myself... filling the needs that had been yelling at me for a long time, while I tried to put them aside.
6. I've done something else for the first (and possibly only) time, but I'm not going to say exactly what I'm referring to :P.
7. I've learned not to care about what some people think. I've learned to ignore; I'm still working on this aspect, but I feel like I've made some serious steps in this direction. Most of the time I've done exactly what I felt like doing.
8. I've discovered (with some serious help from my friends, it's true) that I'm pretty. I've also learned how to look at an "ugly" picture and laugh, although at first I might've felt the urge to erase it. Not to mention that I've ventured into posting photos of myself on the web!
9. I've uttered my first words in Italian; I'm sure I sound awful, but I've done it! I can understand most of daily conversations and I could scream for help if someone pointed a gun to my head. It feels great!
10. I've entered a few stores and asked the salespeople if they knew a store that carried the same merchandise as them, but of better quality. OK, this is not something I feel so proud of, but it's something I've done for the first time and something that proves I can be obnoxious at times. At the same time, I've been laughed at when telling various people and my friends that I'm a shy person... hey, I really thought I was :)! And still am, to be honest :P.
11. I've taken part in a recording for the Erasmus program and have also given an interview for the school digital newspaper.
12. I've gotten drunk "a few times"... most of which I had lots of fun :P. I have yet to get drunk and not remember most of it, but I don't see that happening anytime soon :P.
13. I've bought lots and lots of clothes, most of which are tops; I've also gotten used to wearing short tops, something I wouldn't have imagined a few months back.
14. Cristina and I went by ourselves to a disco, while a bit drunk, saying that we were looking for two cute guys; of course we were not serious, but we surely had some fun bashing on the guys and dancing our way through the place :P.
15. I've talked about things I never thought I'd mention. I'm not saying I feel completely comfortable doing it, but it's a start.
16. I had my hair dyed by my Italians... couldn't have imagined that 3 people would "waste" their time to look after my hair! I've also had my makeup done by Cristina, gone shopping with her, Alessia, Gianluca and other colleagues or tried to sing karaoke.
17. I returned "home" by myself at 4:00 a.m. ... a 40-minute walk :P.
18. I've made 3 friends to whom no epithets would do justice. They've offered me what only one other person was willing to give me... I've only realized that now that it happened; I wasn't even expecting anything from the 3 of them. At some points I tried to run away, but it was impossible and made no sense. Is it weird that I feel that this relationship made me become independent?

Do I need to repeat that these are just SOME episodes? SOME memories? Am I fortunate or what?!

P.S. Just in case... "bashing on" refers to saying bad things about someone and DOES NOT imply any sort of physical contact!

Reasons Why I Want to Move (Back) to Europe...

1. There's no horrifying ocean between me and my family... my mom. I made a decision 7 years, respectively 5 years ago, I've had my share of the "American Dream", now I believe I can make a second choice of coming back. I'm not on my own anymore, I have to think of others as well, but I know I belong here. In Europe there are cars, buses, trains, planes... I could even walk :P; in Canada... there's only a deep, disturbing ocean.

2. People haven't forgotten to smile in Europe... in Spain. They'll stop on the street, while walking their dog, to talk to you... about anything. They'll give you directions, walk behind you when you take a picture and even chase after you when they see you're going in the wrong direction. Today, in Bilbao, a car stopped and the man sitting on the right got out, asking us if we wanted him to take a picture of us... you won't find this in Canada. I haven't, at least. I was speechless...

3. The same people find the time to go for a coffee or any kind of drink after work; they know how to enjoy life and not let themselves driven insane by the ruthless work deadlines... did I mention that people smile?

4. I should be able to continue my studies and obtain a PhD in Spanish Grammar in... Spain.

5. Everywhere you turn there's art, there's history... there's culture. No city or town is similar to another, each one of them has something that leaves you breathless and makes you feel like you've conquered the world just by walking down its streets.

6. All my friends are in Europe.

7. I could be myself here... I'm happy here.

8. Just because I don't want to leave...

... and so many more that I can't put into words.

Official Threat

I should be sleeping, but I can't, although my eyes are all blurry. I'm afraid that if I go to bed, I won't wake up on time tomorrow... again. I have a presentation tomorrow, and one on Thursday; meanwhile, maybe I should also read Melanie's essay.
I'll be cooking tomorrow night, unfortunately for Cristina, Alessia and Gianluca! They are just killing me about the Romanian food, which they pretty much hate. They don't even let me touch the utensils they use to cook! And they call themselves my "friends" :P! Gianluca and Alessia discovered a Romanian store today... I'd known about it for a long time; if they keep making jokes, maybe I'll have a surprise for them tomorrow :P.
I'm so tired... and I don't know what's wrong with me :(. Ah, it's ok, should be better tomorrow. It'll surely be better!
Good night, Mirela!