Nothing

I try to open my mouth, but no words come out. My soul is a mess; confusion reigns there and every time I take a look inside I find only a tumultuous nothing. I used to cry very easily; now I can't do that either, although I want it so badly, it would feel like the salvation I need. Questions and feelings like "why?", "when have I lost my path?", "I don' deserve this!" sadness, rage, forced excitement and loneliness (although I'm surrounded by joyful people) give birth to nothing. I'm confused... I'm nothing. How could I dare think that I was special? I'm nothing. And yet...
No. I thought I could write, but no. There's still nothing. There's no point in hiding. Better run. I know I'm not. I'm actually searching... but nothing yet.