Blah - Blah

I'm about to finish a bottle of Peach Schnapps (I didn't drink it all today, ok? Only 3/4 :)) - I can feel Arhi coming and saying that "any woman who admits she... 's "dizzy" deserves to be respected" :D ). I didn't get "dizzy" too many times in my life... I think it was only twice before; and I didn't like it, but it feels good now. Drinking Peach Schnapps and listening to Savatage, with "Believe"... what better time for memories, yet again? This is soapy, as in soap opera, so... stay away.
I was 16. I wasn't too busy, school was not that difficult, so what did I tell myself? "Maybe it's time for you to fall in love". Since there wasn't anything better to do, I said: "what the heck? Let's go for it!" So one day, doesn't matter which one, I sent my friend (who was also his - hey, I knew what I was doing! lol) with some poem written on a card and a bear with some pen full of lovey-dovey hearts (and it took me a while to find those, mind you... please do appreciate the effort) - I don't know if it's the Peach Schnapps or the hearty-thingy, but I have a strange feeling coming from my stomach :) . I had picked the name of the person from a hat... couldn't make up my mind, I just knew I had to get an occupation :P . He seemed impressed by the card and the amaaazing poem (please excuse me for calling that thing "a poem")... even a few months after, he still seemed touched by it. "Mirela, you just hit the jackpot! He liked the thingies, he'll like you too". Of course... just go ahead and tell him, it's the best thing you could do. My sarcasm tells me to add a "NOT" right now, but I won't... I'd be a hypocrite. It wasn't the best thing, but it was what I did... I wouldn't do it again... back then, I mean. 'Cause we never learn, do we? So I did. And then I played cat and mouse for about two years and a half. And I waited... my head was telling me that this wasn't going anywhere, that I just needed to be there to feed the ego, but my heart answered to every little "sign" (it's official, I was insane!) I'd get; if I tripped on the corner of the sofa, I'd count the number of dust bunnies I'd find under it and reach the conclusion that he cared about me (joking, I wasn't THAT crazy). And it lasted, as I said, for two years and a half and then a bit more and then... finaaally, it was over. If anybody needs to learn how something can be over before ever existing... "sorry", I'm not willing to teach that lesson. Sarcasm and all aside, it was a certain period of my life. I know I don't regret it... it helped me become who I am (hmmm... is that good or bad? :))) ). And I think I wasn't wrong... back then, that is.
I don't know anything for sure. I really don't. I just have opinions... I need to have something, don't I? Sometimes I say what I think without being asked, but most of the time I wait until I think my opinion is required. I can express it mildly or straight forward, according to the circumstances. But I never believe I have to be right. Many, many times I'd like to be proven wrong... and I am... sometimes. I usually filter my opinions through my personal experiences, whichever they might be... I guess other people do that too, don't they? Lol. Because I do learn, the fundamental "rules", at least. I don't compare situations entirely; I try to pick what bears some resemblance to other elements, that's all. Sometimes an opinion that we find annoying can make us see something we've been trying to ignore... or not.
And my blah-blah is over for tonight. No more Peach Schnapps left :))).

One Fine Day

Extremely inspired things I've done today:

- there was a cd cover on my desk that bothered me, so I took it and... went into the kitchen to get some yogurt, which can be usually found in the fridge. I replaced the yogurt with the cd cover, of course... and left it there for about an hour (come on, everybody's done something similar :) ! )
- I had to go talk to one of my professors, to whose office I had never been before. I went to a different professor's office, of course. She let me in, was happy to see me... didn't know how to tell her I was in the wrong place, so we chatted for 20 minutes or so...
- I went to the cafeteria, took a salad from the shelf, looked for something else, didn't find anything interesting, so I headed for the exit... holding the salad, of course. Thank God a colleague of mine noticed!
- I took the subway train in the opposite direction... and realised it after only 4 stops, of course.
- at home, again, I wanted to eat a sandwich... prepared all the ingredients, made a great sandwich, then wrapped it and put it in a bag, of course. I remembered afterwards that I had actually planned to eat it... then, not the day after.

Hope tomorrow goes better, or I'll end up somewhere close to Tierra del Fuego, holding only my backpack and a different cd cover while trying to become friends with the alacalufes (this is to show you I also had good moments and paid attention in class :D ).

Gibberish

It's built within my spirit,
Sometimes it takes me down,
Some other times it soothes me,
Relentlessly I yearn.
I fight it with all powers,
Can't let it overcome
The unclear reflection
Of whom I have become.
I need to scream it louder,
But it would be abrupt,
My soul might just start running,
And I cannot have that.
Don't want to let it cover
The state I have achieved;
Although it plays me, although it aches,
I need to just ignore it,
So I can come back home.
I 'd rather not accept that,
Too cruel I prove to be,
I'm mesmerized with fear,
But there's nothing else to do.
I'm not conceiding, not giving up,
It's an epiphany I know I didn't need;
There's enough strength to move the shadow,
More than enough to go ahead,
Just that, sometimes, caught in the flurry,
(I) Don't want to know what's going on.