Another One Bites the Dust



Time has come again for my retrospective of the past year; without blinking, twitching or shaking I can say that this was my best year yet. I entered its door without expecting much: all I was hoping for was to have some fun in Spain and to be able to improve my accent... in the end, I got so much more than I was looking for.
This year, I've found myself. I've dropped my shyness and let my real self come out. I've learned to let go of things that harmed me, but to appreciate even more the ones who stuck with me. I've learned to love. I've learned that I cannot have everything, but that I have to make the best of what I have... which is a lot. I've discovered that my place might be in Spain. Could it be true that after 8 years of wondering, I'll finally be arriving home? We'll see. I've found out that there's more to life than spending it in front of the computer. I've discovered that regrets hurt more than remorses... sometimes. I've learned how to laugh at a bad photo of myself. Thank God for that, cause there are so many of them! I've learned about self-control... about elegance. I've learned that I am still allowed to behave like a child whenever I want to... because I don't have to ask for permission. I've learned that the grass is not greener on the other side. I've learned that I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I've learned that happiness does exist. I've learned that no words could ever describe what I've learned this year.
Thank you.

Plecare...

Luni seara trebuia sa plec din Montreal. Am ajuns la aeroport fara sa simt nimic; intrasem intr-o stare de apatie, provocata poate de sentimentele mixte de care fusesem coplesita anterior. Doar in momentul in care mi-am luat "la revedere" mi-au dat lacrimile si... si am plecat. M-am asezat frumos in avion, mi-am scos o carte, un jurnal si un pix si m-am pregatit sa zbor, sa scriu, sa gandesc, sa dorm. Nu a fost sa fie. Dupa ce ne-au anuntat ca exista o problema si au "incercat" s-o repare timp de trei ore, ne-au pus sa debarcam. Atunci am simtit ceva: dezamagire crunta. Cu toate ca puteam ramane la hotel, mai ales ca mergea si un anumit englez care se dovedise a fi destul de comunicativ :P, am decis sa merg acasa, pentru a trimite cateva mesaje si pentru a mai sta putin cu sotul meu. A doua zi am revenit la aeroport. Dupa o asteptare la coada si o discutie de 5 ore cu un indian si un polonez, m-am indreptat plina de speranta spre poarta. De data asta am auzit o multime de voci de romani. Nu i-am luat initial in seama, nu sunt genul care sa se bage imediat in seama cu ceilalti si am si o usoara retinere... pe care nu o voi comenta acum. Intram in avion... in fata mea, unul dintre romani... ma intreaba ceva in engleza, eu ii raspund in aceeasi limba si-mi vine sa intru in pamant. Peste cateva minute auzim anuntul care spunea ca s-a descoperit o problema la motorul din spate, sau asa ceva. Pentru o secunda am inghetat cu totii si am asteptat a pilotul sa inceapa sa rada, spunand ca a fost o gluma (PROASTA). Nu a fost sa fie; ne-au tinut alte 3 ore in avion, dupa care si-au cerut scuze si ne-au dat jos (ulterior am realizat ca ne-au tot tinut in avion pentru ca celelalte curse sa plece si sa nu creeam debandada in aeroport, deoarece am fi incercat sa le prindem pe acelea). De data asta am mers la hotel, pentru a fi la prima ora la aeroport; TREBUIA sa plec miercuri si aveam de gand sa fac tot posibilul sa se intample asa; in plus, era deja 1:00 noaptea. In randul ce astepta sa plece la hotel am intrat in vorba cu romanul din fata mea (din avion) si cu un amic pe care-lm facuse tot acolo. Acesti doi baieti mi-au facut ziua de miercuri mult mai usoara, daca nu chiar frumoasa. In noaptea aceea am stat vreo 4 ore de vorba in hotel si am ras atat incat receptionista a venit sa ne spuna ca a primit plangeri si ca va chema politia :))). A doua zi, in aeroport, nici nu am simtit cum a trecut timpul. Doar picioarele ma mai anuntau din cand in cand ca ar putea ceda. Cei de la KLM ne-au oferit cupoane de masa de $20, pe care noi le-am folosit foarte inspirat: de $20 am mancat toti 3 si de $40 ne-am luat Red Bull cu vodka; buuuuuun tare!
Ca sa n-o mai lungesc, avionul a plecat in sfarsit. Pusi pe rele, am consumat si in zbor un pahar cu rom si cola si unul cu Dewars si cola. M-am ametit destul de tare, avand in vedere cat beau eu de obicei :P, dar ma simteam minunat. Eram in sfarsit fericita ca plec, iar Adi si Alex erau o companie perfecta. La un moment dat ajunseseram sa vorbim de semne, cum ca cele 2 anulari ar insemna ceva; nu mai cred in asa cea, mai ales ca acolo erau aproximativ 300 de suflete... cate semne sa trimiti? Din vorba-n vorba, am ajuns la concluzia ca singurul motiv posibil al amanarii era faptul ca trebuia sa ne intalnim. A meritat. Odata ajunsi in Amsterdam, am fumat o ultima tigara impreuna (ce placere sa fumezi in aeroport!) si ne-am despartit...
Am ajuns in Spania... dar despre asta voi scrie la alta ora, cand voi putea folosi metaforele pe care le merita, nu acest stil telegrafic. E totusi aproape 4 dimineata.

P.S. Am primit un cupon de $250 de la KLM. Sa mai zbor cu ei?

Where Is the Real Sun?

I was talking to some of my colleagues yesterday... 3 of them are going to spend a short period in different places in the South. I know they'll have a great time, but to their question: "Why have you never taken such a vacation?" I'll answer:
Ever since I arrived... here I've been assaulted by commercials inviting me to go to Cuba, the Dominican Republic or Mexico - Cancun for reasonable prices, it's true. For about $600 one can spend an all expenses paid week basking in the sun and swimming in exquisite pools or in the ocean. It would seem that these offers are hard to resist. Many of the people I got to meet took the opportunity of spending a few days in one of these destinations. I didn't... it never tempted me. I only went to Washington, Atlantic City, Niagara Falls, Quebec, Ottawa and Toronto until now. New York and Montreal are on the list, of course. From all those places the one I was charmed by was Washington. I truly was and I can probably say this is a city where I would feel comfortable living. I arrived here during the cherry blossom period and I was mesmerized by the different monuments and museums. If it weren't for them, you'd forget you are in the States... Washington is a calm city, with buildings scattered among trees and flowers and smiling people. It's the town where I encountered the most content faces, and this is the hint that can help you decide whether or not you should move to a certain city... from an idealistic point of view, at least.

I'll never forget what someone told me after having visited Toronto: "after seeing New York [the person lives there], no other city will ever impress me. Toronto is only a small scale immitation of New York". I couldn't agree more with the last sentence, but the world doesn't revolve around New York City and Toronto. There are so many other cities that one should visit, at least, in order to discover their secrets, their culture and rythm. North America is all about skyscrapers, that's its charm. But there's not much culture involved... except for Washington and Quebec, maybe. Montreal is said to be a cultural city, but it's the people who make it that way, not its history and buildings. How could you not be impressed by the Spanish, German, Italian, British, Czech or even French cities? And I'm only mentioning European destinations because it would be too overwhelming to think of the Asian or African wonders... for now, at least. What about South American regions, those that have nothing to do with the beach and cocktails with intriguing names? There is so much to be discovered before taking time out and getting a sun tan in Cuba or being blinded by the Times Square lights!

I would not refuse a trip to a sunny destinaton if the opportunity arose, if I won one, for example... lol. But I'd rather save some money and take a mouthful of Spain's treasures embeded with a Moresque air, inspire the smoke from Czech Republic's chimneys or get lost in Shakespeare's reality on the the streets of England.

Blah - Blah

I'm about to finish a bottle of Peach Schnapps (I didn't drink it all today, ok? Only 3/4 :)) - I can feel Arhi coming and saying that "any woman who admits she... 's "dizzy" deserves to be respected" :D ). I didn't get "dizzy" too many times in my life... I think it was only twice before; and I didn't like it, but it feels good now. Drinking Peach Schnapps and listening to Savatage, with "Believe"... what better time for memories, yet again? This is soapy, as in soap opera, so... stay away.
I was 16. I wasn't too busy, school was not that difficult, so what did I tell myself? "Maybe it's time for you to fall in love". Since there wasn't anything better to do, I said: "what the heck? Let's go for it!" So one day, doesn't matter which one, I sent my friend (who was also his - hey, I knew what I was doing! lol) with some poem written on a card and a bear with some pen full of lovey-dovey hearts (and it took me a while to find those, mind you... please do appreciate the effort) - I don't know if it's the Peach Schnapps or the hearty-thingy, but I have a strange feeling coming from my stomach :) . I had picked the name of the person from a hat... couldn't make up my mind, I just knew I had to get an occupation :P . He seemed impressed by the card and the amaaazing poem (please excuse me for calling that thing "a poem")... even a few months after, he still seemed touched by it. "Mirela, you just hit the jackpot! He liked the thingies, he'll like you too". Of course... just go ahead and tell him, it's the best thing you could do. My sarcasm tells me to add a "NOT" right now, but I won't... I'd be a hypocrite. It wasn't the best thing, but it was what I did... I wouldn't do it again... back then, I mean. 'Cause we never learn, do we? So I did. And then I played cat and mouse for about two years and a half. And I waited... my head was telling me that this wasn't going anywhere, that I just needed to be there to feed the ego, but my heart answered to every little "sign" (it's official, I was insane!) I'd get; if I tripped on the corner of the sofa, I'd count the number of dust bunnies I'd find under it and reach the conclusion that he cared about me (joking, I wasn't THAT crazy). And it lasted, as I said, for two years and a half and then a bit more and then... finaaally, it was over. If anybody needs to learn how something can be over before ever existing... "sorry", I'm not willing to teach that lesson. Sarcasm and all aside, it was a certain period of my life. I know I don't regret it... it helped me become who I am (hmmm... is that good or bad? :))) ). And I think I wasn't wrong... back then, that is.
I don't know anything for sure. I really don't. I just have opinions... I need to have something, don't I? Sometimes I say what I think without being asked, but most of the time I wait until I think my opinion is required. I can express it mildly or straight forward, according to the circumstances. But I never believe I have to be right. Many, many times I'd like to be proven wrong... and I am... sometimes. I usually filter my opinions through my personal experiences, whichever they might be... I guess other people do that too, don't they? Lol. Because I do learn, the fundamental "rules", at least. I don't compare situations entirely; I try to pick what bears some resemblance to other elements, that's all. Sometimes an opinion that we find annoying can make us see something we've been trying to ignore... or not.
And my blah-blah is over for tonight. No more Peach Schnapps left :))).

Retrospective... Towards the Future

I don't feel Christmas is coming. In the past years I'd be counting the months since September and the days since the 1st of December. Not now. I have to make myself get into the Christmas spirit. I find myself counting days for my friends and realizing, with their help, that there are only 12, not to say 11, days left. As I was saying before, I have to make it happen, if it won't come on it's own. I'm going to buy the Christmas tree this Saturday, for example. I'm also going to order the... cake that same day (I will never prepare that... how do you say "cozonac" in English :P ? ). Right now I'm going to attempt a retrospective of the past year... it has to be past, what else could happen in 17 days?
I began 2006 by dancing and enjoying myself... thought it would be a great year. At 12 o'clock, actually, we took part in a religious ceremony inside the church. Again, I thought this would make the new year special. The first days of January I lost "something". The next month, Ana told me that she wanted to go to Spain for a semester and almost forced me to come with her to enquire about the chances we had... it suddenly had become "we". I applied. I got accepted by Concordia after 5 days (they were trying to make up for... hehehe!). Oh, how could I forget? On the 30th of January I joined my first forum ever... Undernet Constanta; it was as close to home as I could get. I had to mention this, it occupied so much of my time :) ! March, April... school and forum (I'm freaking out as I'm writing... this year was baaad :))! Who made it that way? Not me, of course, of course :D ). In May I rediscovered the meaning of the word "friendship". On June 16 I received an e-mail from La Rioja University, saying that I had been accepted to study there for one semester. It's very possible that these two months were the highlight of the year. I had a lazy summer; again, school, forum, a bit of work, some outings... the end of the summer was the begining of now. I had to make a few choices... don't we always have to? The last months I tried to study; neah, I'm lying, I really didn't; I just got by. It was all for Spain, hadn't I taken at least 12 credits this semester, I couldn't have gone. Well, I took 15, since I'm so tough... lol. I just want to graduate as soon as possible, that's why I'm taking this course load. And it was fine, except for this semester. Hey, it's going to be better next time! I also worked as a Spanish Teaching Assistant, which meant a lot to me. Oh, yeah, the lab monitor thing, as well... lol. November... I have no idea what kind of month that was. Sometimes I think it was a malefic one, other times I say that it was a month of liberation. How can something present so many questions and problems and yet stay so strong? And then December hit... I lost again. So... I began and ended 2006 by losing almost the same "thing". At least no one can accuse me of being inconsistent.
But... it's over and done with. 2007 is on its way. Surprise! No resolutions this time. No losing weight, no quitting smoking or becoming a better person blahs. Nope... they never seem to work. I'll just take everything as it comes... or I won't; I still have this option, most of the time. This year might've been a bad one, but it changed me, maybe more than I would've wanted. I don't know anything about 2007... not even Spain is a certain thing, I don't have my visa yet. Nothing is for sure... almost nothing, ok. Change is omnipresent, that's for sure. And belief... optimism... no one can take that away from you, except for yourself.
It won't be better. It won't be worse. It will be what we let it be. It will be a good year. For everyone. This is not a wish I'm making... I just know it... I have to know it.

Amintiri blegoase

M-am indragostit de Mircea Eliade in liceu, ca multi adolescenti, probabil... sau poate mai tarziu decat unii; devoram orice carte pe care puneam mana. Am omis cateva titluri esentiale, dar mai este timp... nu mult, si totusi mai este. Intr-o zi am vazut pe un stand trei volume continand "proza fantastica". Cat de mult mi le doream! Stiu ca puteam merge la biblioteca, si-asa citisem deja cateva dintre operele din respectiva categorie, dar le doream pentru mine, sa le pot reciti de cate ori am pofta sa visez (urat obicei, ca tot veni vorba)... si aveam atata nesat! Acasa stiam ca nu mai avem bani pentru asa ceva, si nici nu era perioada Sarbatorilor de iarna, in care buzunarelul meu se ingrasa substantial, dar eu voiam acele carti! Am mers la mamaita, fara ca mama sa stie, i-am povestit oful meu si am primit "imprumut" banutii pe care-i puteam schimba pe acea comoara. In vara am inceput sa muncesc si i-am dat banii inapoi mamaitei. Doar pentru ca era datoria mea, ma simteam matura, eram mandra sa dovedesc ca ma pot descurca "singura". Eram atat de bucuroasa ca i-a primit, dupa repetate insistente! Mamaita a fost mereu acolo.

Eram in clasa I, la festivitatea de sfarsit de an. Primisem coronita, impreuna cu alti 4 colegi. Am luat mandra laurii, am imortalizat momentul si m-am indreptat spre poarta, impreuna cu mama si tata. Eram cea mai mare impiedicata, genunchii mei machiati stateau marturie, asa ca nu am ezitat sa ma-nfrupt din prima piatra iesita in cale. Si ce daca? Eram vesela, primisem coronita... dupa care am primit o palma, pentru ca nu ma uitam pe unde merg (am spus ca nu e bine sa visezi/ sa fii cu capu-n nori!). Nu am mai facut poze dupa aceea.

Parintii mei fumau. Eu nu... aveam 10 ani, vorba ceea! Stiam ca tutunul dauneaza si nu intelegeam ce inseamna dependenta, cu exceptia celei fata de afectiune (destept copil, ce pot spune? Right.). Am zis sa le fac un bine, asa ca le-am aruncat vreo 20 de pachete de tigari la galeata. Dupa care am dus gunoiul :D.

In noiembrie 1999 am castigat o excursie in Budapesta. Unul din momentele mele de noroc pur... si chior, bine, fie! Am plecat cu un grup maricel, in care ar fi trebuit sa fie si "perechea mea". Big lol! Eu eram cu gandul la haladuiala, nu la potriveli, dar acolo, undeva, mi se paruse interesanta si "perechea". Era matur, ca si mine (evident!), fotograf (va dati seama ce poze superbe as fi avut din Budapesta :P!), inalt, arata cam bine... nu ar fi fost neaparat o companie deranjanta. Inainte ca eu sa am ocazia sa observ ca nu vine, o foarte amabila domnisoara, de care ma apropiasem (ziceam eu), ma instiinteaza ca el i-a spus ca a mai fost la Budapesta si nu-l tenteaza sa mai mearga - toti erau din Bucuresti si se mai intalnisera la cateva iesiri. Desigur ca Mirela a inteles din asta ca nu-l interesa sa mearga cu minunata sa "pereche". Si ce? Credeti ca nu m-am simtit super in capitala Ungariei? Am uitat instantaneu (practice makes perfect) si am petrecut unul dintre cele mai frumoase weekend-uri. In ianuarie primesc un telefon: "Buna, Mirela! Ce faci weekend-ul viitor?" Era "perechea". "Aaaaaa... aaaaa... poftim?" "Da, ce faci in weekend?" (O sa vorbesc cu cineva de la Spitalul 9 sa vedem cum te pacalim sa-ti cauti cazare acolo pentru cativa ani, asta o sa fac!) "OK... ma duc la o zi de nastere si tocesc". "Cum? Nu mergem la Budapesta?!" Deci... el anuntase ca nu poate merge atunci si va pleca cu grupul urmator si ii rugase pe organizatori sa-mi spuna si mie, poate mergem impreuna. Le ceruse telefonul meu, ei au spus ca nu-l dau (mi s-a confirmat, doar nu credeti ca inghit galusti cu lopata :D), iar domnisoara amabila despre care vorbeam i-a spus ca nu are numarul meu, pana cand insistentele lui (shock, I know!) au facut-o sa-si aduca aminte ca il are intr-un carnetel prafuit ascuns prin lavitele din pod, dap. De ce nu i-am dat eu numarul din start? Asta-i alta poveste tipica mie :P. Deci, da...

Luasem 10 la prima mea teza, in clasa a 5-a, asadar. Era luna decembrie si cu o zi inainte se pornise un viscol infiorator, mijloacele de transport renuntasera de mult sa anime strazile, astfel ca ma dusese mama la scoala cu taxiul. Imi pregatise o sacosica in care aveam hainute pentru ziua urmatoare; instructiunile spuneau sa merg la mamaia, care locuia chiar vis-a-vis de scoala, si sa raman acolo peste noapte. Dar luasem 10 la teza! Cum sa nu-i impartasesc bucuria asta mamei?! Astfel ca am luat-o frumos pe jos, cu gluguta stransa pe cap si ochii inchisi in fata zapezii furioase (tot iubesc zapada, nu era vina ei, o invatase vantul la rele), de la Brotacei pana la scoala mamei... vreo 5 statii lungute de tramvai. Am ajuns dupa vreo ora jumate, parca, intr-un grad mai mult sau mai putin avansat de congelare, dar fericita! Reusisem! Pe mama a incercat-o asa, o senzatie de lesin, dar simteam si ca este putin mandra de mine, dincolo de teama unei pneumonii (cand venea vorba de-a atrage boli, eram maestra). Problema era ca nici taxiurile nu mai circulau si eu trebuia sa merg a doua zi la scoala, asa ca tatal meu a fost nevoit sa stranga din dinti si sa ma duca pe jos pana la mamaia... n-as vrea sa mai repet drumul de intoarcere :D! Cu toate astea, as face acelasi lucru si astazi: as urca din nou acel deal prin viscol pentru sentimentul cald ce ma asteapta dincolo. Mai ales ca acum m-as putea intoarce singura, daca ar fi nevoie.