The Lion Sleeps Tonight

My very good friend Gianluca singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" with his church choir. He had us sing this in Spain, but it sounds so much better here. Amazing job, guys, and it's so good to see you, Gianluca, in that atmosphere... again. I hope to have the chance to see you live once.

La multi ani!


Vroiam sa fac asta pe 31, dar avand in vedere ca am primit un mesaj care m-a uns pe suflet si ca s-ar putea sa nu mai apuc sa scriu pe aici in ultima zi a anului, voi face acum urarile pe care le planuisem:

Cetin si Daniela, va doresc din toata inima sa fiti cu adevarat fericiti in 2008 si dupa aceea. Sa fiti sanatosi si sa ramaneti mereu dulci (eu asa va vad, nu faceti scandal :-) ), hatri, acizi - adica Cetin - si zambitori. Sa nu va pierdeti speranta, atata vreme cat nu va copleseste. In sufletul meu aveti un loc special, cu toate ca poate nu se vede. Si eu inca mai sper sa ajung sa va cunosc personal... poate la anul.

Mi si SilverHeart, sa fiti fericiti, sa nu mai intampinati greutati care sa va taie elanul, chiar daca doar pentru o scurta perioada, sa fiti din ce in ce mai uniti si sa priviti fiecare zi ce trece ca pe-o etapa din parcursul unei iubiri nesecate. Sunteti doua persoane minunate si meritati numai raze de soare, chiar daca in Copenhaga sunt cam rare. Mi, urare speciala: sa reusesti sa te imbeti in ultimele si primele zile din 2007/ 2008 dupa pofta inimii :-).

Nicole, sa ai cel mai bun an de pana acum, sa fii puternica si sa gasesti cat mai multe picaturi de fercire, care sa-ti transforme viata intr-o metonimie a optimismului. Chiar daca nu simti de cele mai multe ori, pentru ca nu mai stau atat de mult la computer, eu iti trimit mereu ganduri bune si ma bucur sa intrezaresc speranta in randurile tale.

Doamna Ela Roseni, multa sanatate va doresc si un an cu aceeasi bogatie spirituala pe care ati impartasit-o pana acum. Cat mai multe muze si bucurii, poezii si sentimente pozitive. Mereu este o placere linistitoare sa va citesc.

Quinzelle, sa-ti pastrezi jovialitatea, pofta de viata si bucuria pe care-o simti la vederea unui curcubeu, simtul umorului si luminita din ochisori. Sa ai cat mai multe realizari, sa fii sanatoasa si poate sa reusim sa ne vedem la anul.

Meplusmyself, sa te insoteasca in continuare setea de cultura si inspiratia de-a transforma marile opere literare in experiente personale, sa descoperi mereu mai mult decat te-astepti si sa ti se implineasca cele mai arzatoare dorinte.

Happy New Year!

Sacha, you know it's always a pleasure to drop by your virtual home, which makes me feel closer to you. You have an amazing talent for writing, your soul could not have found a more suited occupation than this. You know you have a very special place in my heart and that I'm sending you nothing but my most pure wishes. Don't ever change and have the happiest year yet!

These are pretty much all the people that I know that drop by once in a while and that I consider my friends. If I missed anyone, it wasn't my intention. I'm sending good thoughts to anyone who might happen to find this page. Have a Happy New Year, with health, joy and great achievements.

Another One Bites the Dust



Time has come again for my retrospective of the past year; without blinking, twitching or shaking I can say that this was my best year yet. I entered its door without expecting much: all I was hoping for was to have some fun in Spain and to be able to improve my accent... in the end, I got so much more than I was looking for.
This year, I've found myself. I've dropped my shyness and let my real self come out. I've learned to let go of things that harmed me, but to appreciate even more the ones who stuck with me. I've learned to love. I've learned that I cannot have everything, but that I have to make the best of what I have... which is a lot. I've discovered that my place might be in Spain. Could it be true that after 8 years of wondering, I'll finally be arriving home? We'll see. I've found out that there's more to life than spending it in front of the computer. I've discovered that regrets hurt more than remorses... sometimes. I've learned how to laugh at a bad photo of myself. Thank God for that, cause there are so many of them! I've learned about self-control... about elegance. I've learned that I am still allowed to behave like a child whenever I want to... because I don't have to ask for permission. I've learned that the grass is not greener on the other side. I've learned that I'm one of the luckiest people alive. I've learned that happiness does exist. I've learned that no words could ever describe what I've learned this year.
Thank you.

¡Feliz cumpleaños, Gianluca!

Eh, tenía que hacer un "video" para ti también, no quería que te enojaras :-). Otra vez, he cambiado la hora, porque en Italia ya es tu cumpleaños y no quise esperar demasiado. ¡Que coincidencia, son exactamente las 12:00 en Italia :-D! Lo divertido es que no yo escogí la foto que se ve cuando no estés mirando la "peliculita". ¿Que raro, no :-D?
No necesito decir nada más, ya lo sabes todo, como siempre :-).

¡Atención! Para visionar este "video" se necesita tener mucha indulgencia, leer muy rapidamente y usar un poco de imaginación, que ya sé que tienes :P.

Si no funciona muy bien aquí, lo puedes ver en este sitio:
http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-198505465057803408&hl=en-CA

Buon compleanno, Alessia!

Perché voglio che tu lega cuesto messaggio domani (o dicciamo oggi anche se non e ancora il tuo compleanno in Canada), ho cambiato l'ora del mio blog, perche non mi piacerebbe che i miei auguri sianno apparsi con la data del 23 agosto. Vedi la fatica che faccio per te? :-P
Mi dispiace essermi dimenticato scrivere alla fine del video "¡Feliz cumpleaños!", ma spero che abbia capito che quest'era l'essenza :-).
Ti voglio molto bene (possiamo dirlo con il "molto"?) e spero vederci molto pronto :-).

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-3367938352413757243&hl=en-CA

Buon compleanno, Cristina!

Anche se mi piacerebbe potere scriverti un messaggio in italiano (non detesto l'italiano, lo sai? :) ), non sono ancora capace di farlo, perciò ho fatto la cosa che so fare un po' meglio: ho guardato delle foto e t'ho fatto un piccolo video :). Spero que ti piaccia un po'.
Ti voglio benne, benne, benne! Oppure TVB :)!

P.S.Ho scritto tutto (c)questo da sola, con un po' d'aiuto del dizionario. Si vede che sonno molto orgogliosa, verro? Forse non dovrei... :P

P.S. 2 Si resulta difícil verlo aquí, usa este sitio, debería ser más fácil:

http://video.google.ca/videoplay?docid=-6945248121025338376&hl=en-CA

Welcome Back?

Back in Montreal after an absence of 6 months... The same streets, same sad-looking people, same humid heat that dries your throat and sends you hiding inside the house... nothing's changed, but me. And I'm not pretending that that's a good thing; it's just the way it is.
I already feel tired, but I'll just assume this is due to the time change... I refuse to let myself be absorbed by what I've been running away from all these months.
I went to Romania; as I've said, I didn't feel at home back there, no matter the way I was judged for stating this. On a positive note, nevertheless, I had the chance to finally meet some of the people I had been talking to for a fairly long time, some of whom I had already gotten to consider friends. It was a very nice surprise to discover that I hadn't been wrong and that the virtual impression I had was not too different from the real one.
And last, but surely not least, there were, again, Cristina, Alessia, Gianluca and Sacha. They're always there, in my heart, so how could they not do their best in charging my batteries before coming back to Canada? Now and then I still get a strong ache that fills the emptiness in my stomach, but I'm learning how to deal with it.
There's one thing I know for sure: I'm tired of this virtual life... I need to live the real one :).

...

4s... el nuevo número primo... indivisible...
Nuestro Peter Pan, nuestro ProTAgOnIsTa, nuestro preferido, nuestro niño, nuestro menomato, nuestro amor, nuestro disminuito, nuestro dolor de cabeza, nuestro confuso, nuestro hombro, nuestro amigo... nuestro tanto... nuestro Gianluca.
Sin promesas... sólo con lo que hemos vivido... sólo con todo.
¡Que sueñes con los angelitos, Gianluca!... porque la vida es sueño, ¿verdad :-)?

5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...5...

In my room... a room I could not stand for 5 months, always
trying to get out of it. I'm crying... I need to cry, as I'm realizing more and more that it's over. One week left... By this time next
Monday I'll have all my luggage prepared... package sent... goodbyes said... makeup running down my face from so many tears... a bigger heart, although it will feel broken for a long time... hopes... a shadow of enthusiasm for going home... sadness... richness... why does it have to end?
No, I already know the answer... this is not real... what we lived here it's not what real life means... and yet, life is all about this... about feeling, about being speechless, about living each moment as if it were the last... and the last moments have arrived.
I wasn't expecting this... I thought I knew how to live my life, how to accept things I didn't really want, but came with the package... I had come here to study, to improve my Spanish, to do what I've been doing for some time now... just to get by. I didn't know anything... do I know anything now? I have no clue, but there are so many things I feel...
I knew it would be very difficult at the end... I didn't know I'd get to love the three of you so much, to feel so lost at the end... the end... it just feels like it, I know it's not the end... and I'm not lost... I'm more aware of my path than I've ever been, although there's still so much to discover... I know that's the charm of life, but it feels kind of difficult to look at it that way right now...
I'm sad, and yet happy... sorry for not being able to live my happiness with you... I walk down the street, I see the trees, and I start crying. Someone comes to say "hello" and I almost break down... it was all like this...
That's all...

39 days...

39 days left... I just found out a few minutes ago that there are 39 days left; a month and a half, as I used to think of it, seemed a bit more than 39 days... but I was wrong; next Sunday will be June 3rd, which only leaves me ONE MONTH! One horrible month, full of exams and of people who will be leaving; people with whom I've shared the best period of the last 26 years... people... friends. Today there was the first farewell party. I can't say that I've suffered, I had never spoken to the ones that will be leaving, but I realized that this is only the beginning; more Erasmus students will soon be leaving, and most of them will be people with whom I've built precious memories.
Out of the four of us, I'll be the second one leaving; I know I'm being selfish when I say that I feel somewhat relieved for not being the last one to go... I don't know whether I'd be able to take each one of them to the bus station, and then return home by myself (metaphorically speaking). I've already done it once, for the Easter vacation, and it felt horrible, even if it was for only ten days. However, knowing that I'll be seeing them shortly after will give me enough strength to leave our little "Isla de nunca jamás"... and to go with Gianluca to the horrible bus station.
I can't be sad... I don't want to end this precious time with a month of tears and isolation; I'd be cheating on who I am and throwing everything out the window. I'm just a little sad right now, after learning that I only have 39 days left.

Andalusia

Yesterday I came back from Andalusia; every day I thought of the many words I'd be putting on this post, the thoughts I'd be able to transform into letters and the joy I'd feel later, when reading these pages... once again, I was wrong. I'm "somewhat" stubborn and it takes me a while to learn... I cannot do it! I can only say that no book or picture can depict the miracle that is Alhambra... a paradise in the south of my spiritual heaven, which is Spain; nothing can bring you more joy than a reinforced friendship, the proof that you haven't been creating a reality based on straws; and, finally, Don Antonio... after 7 years...
Andalusia, you were in my heart before, now I've become you.

Thank you for your help, for your patience, for your mistakes and for the breaks you gave me. Thank you for knowing and for being my friend :).

Mis italianos 2 - el regreso del castigo de Erasmus :-P



Tomando en consideración las quejas de mis italianos sobre la foto que he publicado hace un mes, he decidido (no, esa es sólo una broma, de hecho me obligaron hacerlo) de mostrar lo bonitos que son (entienden el español, así que no puedo decir otra cosa).

Ellos son mis italianos... ¡odiosos, pero míos :-)!

Official Threat

I should be sleeping, but I can't, although my eyes are all blurry. I'm afraid that if I go to bed, I won't wake up on time tomorrow... again. I have a presentation tomorrow, and one on Thursday; meanwhile, maybe I should also read Melanie's essay.
I'll be cooking tomorrow night, unfortunately for Cristina, Alessia and Gianluca! They are just killing me about the Romanian food, which they pretty much hate. They don't even let me touch the utensils they use to cook! And they call themselves my "friends" :P! Gianluca and Alessia discovered a Romanian store today... I'd known about it for a long time; if they keep making jokes, maybe I'll have a surprise for them tomorrow :P.
I'm so tired... and I don't know what's wrong with me :(. Ah, it's ok, should be better tomorrow. It'll surely be better!
Good night, Mirela!

Madrid... and Back to Logrono

Ever since I can remember, every time I'd come back from a trip I'd feel disappointed. Now I returned from the best journey of my life (yet?) and I keep feeling happy. Madrid was... anything between enchanting and extraordinary, Gianluca proved to be, once again, the best possible company, despite his precarious state of health, Don Quijote and Sancho Panza filled my heart with tears of happiness, Picasso's "Guernica" let me discover more of its intricacies and made me laugh at the same time, El Prado filled one of my biggest dreams, el Parque del Retiro offered me melancholy, hope and moments of shame mixed with laughter, Puerta del Sol disappointed me a bit, Gran Plaza made up for it and let me savor a "granita" in its European atmosphere, and el Palacio Real blocked my thoughts on interjections of admiration.
Now I'm back, only to find the same spot of happiness, Logrono, Cristina and Alessia (maybe the only two pieces missing from the Madrid puzzle), Gianluca, who keeps being here (although he'd rather be someplace else), the sun, the park, the music, the smiles... the dream.

[later edit]: No, no, no!!! It's not Gran Plaza or Plaza del mercado... it's PLAZA MAYOR! Why can't I get this name right?!

Saptamana sfanta=relaxare

Zilele acestea reprezinta o perioada de incarcare a bateriilor. Vineri a venit mamica mea, iar Cristina, Alessia si Gianluca au plecat acasa la ei, ca majoritatea Erasmusilor, care fie s-au intors in tarile lor, fie calatoresc prin Spania, Franta si Portugalia. Faptul ca prietenii mei m-au sunat din Italia de ziua de Pasti m-a lasat fara cuvinte, cu toate ca ma simteam ca vor face asta; gestul lor a convins-o si pe mama ca de data asta nu ma insel... din pacate?
Mamicul meu a venit incarcat de bunatati: mi-a adus kaizer (as manca in fiecare zi), branza topita cu gust de sunca si ciuperci (ceea ce nu exista nici aici, nici in Canada) si mult dorita carne de miel + cap, ceea ce n-am mai mancat de 4 ani. Sa mai spun ca am casa plina de pateu? Ma gandesc sa organizez o petrecere cu tema "pate", cred ca am sa-mi ajunga de-acum pana plec. Nu mai vorbesc despre ouale colorate, lumanarile in forma de ou si ouale de ciocolata primite. Am petrecut o zi frumoasa de Pasti, cu mami si cu Andreea, care in vacanta asta e cam singurica.
Am planficat 3 calatorii pentru saptamana asta: maine mergem in Zaragoza, joi in Bilbao si sambata in Burgos. Luni pleaca mami meu...
Tot vineri l-am vazut si pe Ovidiu, varul meu, dupa 7 ani... au fost doar 3 ore, este adevarat, dar ma voi reintalni cu el prin iunie-iulie, cel mai probabil. In clipa in care l-am revazut mi-am dat seama cat de dor imi era de el! Si este atat de frumos :P! Mi-a zis ca am crescut :P si ca nu m-am schimbat prea mult... ma straduiesc sa iau asta ca pe un compliment, ignorand faptul ca nu dormisem decat vreo 5 ore in ultimele 2 zile/ nopti si ca nu m-am aranjat deloc inainte de-a pleca in Madrid.
Aveam inima stransa deoarece n-am reusit sa gasesc un hostel pentru a ramane in Madrid cateva zile, dupa cum planuiam, si nu stiam cand voi mai avea ocazia sa merg acolo. Solutia a propus-o Gianluca; deoarece el soseste pe 18 in Madrid, voi zburataci cu autbuzul in aceasta directie miercuri seara si vom sta acolo vreo 3 zile, timp suficient pentru a vizita Muzeele Prado si Reina Sofia, El Parque del Buen Retiro si, eventual, Toledo. Daca tai si Madridul de pe lista, mai raman Barcelona, Andalusia, Salamanca, Franta, Londra si Italia (aparuta tot dintr-o idee a mai sus-numitului). In Nantes (si, inca visez eu, Paris) voi trage o fuga in ultimul weekend din aprilie, sa ii stresez putin pe Irina si Ionut dupa 4 ani de pauza. In Andalusia trebuie sa mergem toti 4, undeva prin luna mai, Italia se anunta prin iunie-iulie, dupa cum spuneam, iar pe restul le voi inghesui in cateva weekenduri. Se simte cumva setea mea de Europa :)? Nici nu vreau sa ma gandesc ce rezultate ale escapadelor mele ma asteapta la intoarcerea in Canada!
Perioada aceasta linistita imi aduce si putina tristete. Incerc (fara prea multa izbanda) sa-mi pun ordine in ganduri, vorbesc cu mama despre mamaita, privesc cu teama lunile iunie-iulie... dar ma sipregatesc pentru urmatoarele 2 luni 1/2, in care voi investi de n ori mai multa energie si sentimente de n ori mai puternice... daca se poate mai mult de-atat. Analizez acum pentru a nu mai avea teama dupa 16 aprilie.
Ma bucur de faptul ca dupa Spania vor urma 3 saptamani de Romania, de Constanta, altfel tranzitia ar fi mult prea dura. Saptamana asta sper sa-mi rezerv si biletul de avion pentru Bucuresti, tot pentru a nu ma mai gandi la plcare dupa 16 aprilie. Pana atunci ma bucur de vizita mamicutei mele, careia cred si simt ca ii face foarte bine aceasta vacanta. Avea mare nevoie de ea :( !

Mis italianos :-).

Mea culpa

Experienta Erasmus nu prea poate fi inteleasa daca este privita din exterior. De curand am descoperit o asemanare intre intensitatea cu care traim aici si ceea ce am simtit in anii ulteriori plecarii din Romania. Sentimentele capata noi coordonate, relatiile evolueaza frenetic si simti ca intr-o zi traiesti un an de viata normala.
Am pierdut de 2 ori. De fapt, eu inca sper sa nu fie acesta adevarul, dar faptele tind sa ma descurajeze. Nu vreau sa mai pierd o a treia, a patra si a cincea oara. La inceput s-au pus intrebari asupra retinerii mele si le-am evitat cu brio. Intr-una din noptile urmatoare mi-am deschis putin sufletul si am impartasit temerile mele; mi s-a replicat ca fugind nu pot trai si ca nu ma pot gandi de pe-acum la sfarsit (cu toate ca stiu sigur ca isi va face aparitia; stiu si cand). "Nu-ti fie teama de fericire, Mirela, traieste fiecare clipa si nu te gandi la ce va urma!" Am facut-o, era ceea ce imi dicta sufletul, cu toate ca mintea isi trimisese de multa vreme piticii pe metereze.
Acum vine vacanta si ei pleaca acasa. Nu pare atat de dificil; mama va veni aici, nu am mai vazut-o de doi ani... vor trece usor cele 10 zile... Si totusi, eu simt ca incerc sa ma indepartez de ei, deoarece deja doare un pic. Imi este teama... nu vreau sa se repete, nu mai pot sa pierd. De unde sa mai pierd? Cum sa traiesc dupa cum doresc si totusi sa nu raman cu goluri? Daca acum simt astfel... ce se va intampla in iunie, cand drumurile noastre se vor desparti pentru... ei spun doi ani... si apoi? Voi merge in Italia pentru o saptamana... dupa care vor trece alti si alti ani... Prieteniile nu rezista astfel, oricat as fi incercat eu sa cred... oricat as fi simtit. Astfel de promisiuni sunt facute pentru a fi incalcate... lucru dovedit; de ce sa cred iarasi ca ne vom vedea, ca totul are continuitate?
Deja am inceput sa sap; de data asta vreau sa am eu harletul. Fie numai pentru 3 zile; stiu ca atunci cand vor reveni voi arunca toate uneltele si voi face pasi gigantici, ajungand mult mai departe de punctul "interzis". Pentru ca sunt eu. Si nu invat niciodata.

Blestem

N-am sa mai comentez acest tag, titlul spune tot. Stie Cetin ce stie (m-as apuca sa desenez un dracusor aici), dar acum va afla si ca mama "ma ajuta" la desen si ca la expozitie mi s-a pus o plansa cu patrate si triunghiuri colorate. Sa nu aud de proportii si alte asemenea notiuni abstracte! Daca mai vad mult aceasta opera de arta se va duce toata increderea pe garla, asa ca trebuie sa scriu vreo 10 posturi, sa-l acopar pe-acesta... ha, ha, sunt amuzanta de la o vreme! Enjoy :D! Hi, hi!



Daca-si doreste cineva sa se-apuce de desenat, este liber s-o faca. Eu nu mai nenorocesc pe nimeni :P.

Trust Gogu Kaizer :P

Gogu Kaizer wrote an interesting post about respect and trust. I had finally found the courage to leave a comment :P, but I was a bit thrown off by the other messages and I also thought that what I had to write would occupy too much space. So...
I don't think there is a list of rules that can guide you towards trusting or not trusting someone. There is not one single thing I could say that others can do in order to gain my trust. What seems right coming from one person might not impress me about someone else. There is not one moment when I decide to trust someone: "OK, from now on (Wednesday, January 17, 2007, 4.19 pm) I will have faith in this person". I just feel it; I don't need to ask myself when it came or why... it would take away its charm. There are many good things I could say about someone I trust, and why I consider them to be my friends. Let's just say that when my head and my heart follow the same direction it's a good sign. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does I know I just can't go wrong.
Now, generally speaking :P, sometimes we can be fooled. Thing is, we need to make mistakes in order to appreciate our other friends and the new ones who will come along, if we allow them to. But these mistakes, which should be proven before jumping to conclusions, should not determine us to say that from now on we won't trust anyone else. We can't decide this, and even if we could, we'd be missing out on so many great experiences. It's good to be a little cautious, but let's not overreact.
At the same time... we can't throw away all the proofs we've received before just for some little incident. People have good days and bad days. What may seem like a big mistake to you could be just a slip on the other person's part. I know I couldn't just erase a proven friendship just because of a problem that appears out of the blue and leaves me confused. It happens, we all make mistakes and that's what friends are for: to understand and, if that's the case, to forgive. We can go through different stages: anger, a feeling of broken trust, desire to erase everything and move onward, always with the promise that we won't trust again; then retrospective should take the place of all these feelings and realize that things may not be as bad as they look and that what may seem to be a wrongful action could have a completely different conotation in the other's view. It is also very important to wonder whether that friendship is worth being thrown away for this. If the answer is a definite "yes", then we might be right in doing so. But if there's nothing major we can say against that relationship and if we feel the other person has always been a good friend, we shouldn't want to lose that and just be a bit patient. Sometimes we all need time. If we don't feel angry for more than a second, why strive to get back that feeling? If we know that we would start all over, following the same line, why talk about "walls" and "mistakes"? We are not more interesting if we say we'll never be able to trust that person or anyone else ever again. Things happen. Let's just hold on to our trust until the last possible moment, even if small thoughts keep getting in the way. If we give up too easily, we need to wonder whether we cared as much as we say we did and whether we have the right to feel hurt.